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萬變中的不變 悼英女皇伊利莎伯二世(二)

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作者:清涼                                           2022-09-11

 

上世紀七十年代,香港有齣電視劇叫《家變》,主題曲裡有兩句這樣寫:「知否世事常變  變幻原是永恆」,這原是老生常談,無分地域的道理,但就在過去幾天,正當全英都在深切哀悼女皇逝世之時,不同階層背景的人,都不約而同的感到,原來在過去大半世紀的劇變中,真的有一樣近乎不變的東西,而當這東西終於消逝之時,大家才猛然驚覺,這如水一般的存在,對一眾暢泳的魚兒來說,是多麼的無可替代。用數學語言來表達,在充滿變數(variables)的人生裡,常數(constant)原來是那樣的可貴。

 

一、

前首相Boris Johnson在悼念女皇的演辭中,提及的正是這個常數消失所帶來的震撼和傷痛:

「我知道今天在本國和全世界,無數人在經歷這種突如其來的情緒。而我也相信,數以百萬計的人也同在思索,為何大家都感到如此深刻、個人甚至是近乎喪失親人的失落。(”And I know that today there are countless people in this country and around the world who have experienced the same sudden access of unexpected emotion. And I think millions of us are trying to understand why we are feeling this deep and personal and almost familial sense of loss.)

 

或許其中一個原因是,在英國人的生活裡,她總是那個不變的參考點,而所有的調查也說,她是在眾人夢鄉裡出現最多的一位。(Perhaps it is partly that she has always been there a changeless human reference point in British life. The person who – all the surveys say – appears most often in our dreams.)

 

她那如極星般的光輝是如此的恆久,以致我們幾乎相信,從某個角度來說,她真的會常在永在—但我認為,今天我們所以經歷如此強烈的震撼,只因我們在她逝去的這一刻,才開始明白,她為我們所做的一切,是如此的重要和巨大( So unvarying in her polestar radiance that we have perhaps been lulled into thinking she might be in some way eternal – but I think our shock is keener today because we are coming to understand in her death the full magnitude of what she did for us all.”)」

 

Johnson說得好,女皇一生所做的,實遠超國家和人民所想所求,她傳承歷史於一身、團結國家,並作為政府的基石,「唯有她才得信任,足以超越任何黨派和商業利益,把這國度的概念和精義化成現實。她不僅向世界展現了如何統治,還讓人看見如何去付出,如何去愛,並如何去服侍。(”only she could be trusted to be above any party political or commercial interest and to incarnate impartially the very concept and essence of the nation. She showed the world not just how to reign over a people, she showed the world how to give, how to love and how to serve.”)」

 

英國政治人物的言辭,在重要的時刻,很少令人失望,把民眾心內那說不出的嘆息,用最恰當的修辭表達出來,這既是服務,也是文化。感到女皇永在,並不是政治人物所獨有,這其實是普遍的經驗,只是女皇尚在人世時,很少人留意,也更少人能把那種感覺精準的表達出來。

 

二、

跟首相Johnson相似,英國《每日電訊報(The Daily Telegraph)》專欄作家Allison Pearson同樣留意到「女皇永在的迷思」,她把這種心情描寫得格外細膩,令人動容:「在女皇駕崩的消息突如其來掩至的那個時刻,我想起小說家John O’ Hara的話:『如果我不想相信(這個事實)的話,我就不必相信(”I don’t have to believe it if I don’t want to”)』。那是一種難以承受的傷感,一種幾乎無法面對的損失。但正如女皇於911事件後安慰英藉遇難家屬所說的話:『悲傷是我們因著愛而必須付上的代價(”Grief is the price we pay for love.”)』」

 

女皇辭世的衝擊是如此之大和普遍,已不是一般的悲憫之情能解析概括,Pearson在悲傷中的「天問」,道盡了英國人民心中的傷痛:「少了她,我們能如何活下去?少了她,我們又究竟是誰?她一直在這裡,在紛亂的世界裡,她是個定點;時間的指針在她這不變的鐘面上轉動已久,大家記憶所及,已然是如此。女皇陛下的第一任首相生於1874年,而她任命的最後一任首相生於1975,兩者相距百年。她的一生,就是一齣有關我們歷史的電影‥她的肖像,在每顆郵票上;她是國家自身的剪影(”How are we supposed to manage without her? Who are we without her? She has always been there – a still point in a tumultuous world; the clock face over which the hands of time revolved for as long as anyone could remember. Her Majesty’s first prime minister was born in 1874, her last almost exactly a century later in 1975. Her long life, the home movie of our history; her face, the screensaver of the United Kingdom; a diadem in the national firmament; the stamp on every letter; the silhouette of the national self. ”)」

 

如此近乎情書的文字,竟是子民對君主的哀思,Pearson回頭看這種不能自已的情感,也不禁感慨地自問自答:「我們已把她當作不朽嗎?或許從某個奇異的角度看,我們的確如此相信,因為我們的心智,難以理解失去如此長久存在的事物,究竟是怎樣的一回事,情況就如月亮星辰都突然消失一樣。雖然從未宣之於口,但確有種意識告訴我們,只要有女皇在,事情就會好起來。(”Did we come to believe she was immortal? I think we probably did in some weird way, because losing something that permanent is impossible for the mind to comprehend, like the moon going out or the stars packing up. There was a sense, never articulated, that, as long as the Queen was there, things would somehow be alright. ”)」

 

三、

我們知道人生有涯,但對永恆和不朽的渴求,其實從未離開我們內心深處。這種渴求,有時是塵封了,有時是被各種各樣的東西暫時替代了,但它總有被喚醒的時候,而女皇辭世正是這樣的時刻。因她離去,我們的眼光得以望向她一生朝向的那方:是甚麼驅使她全心奉獻自己,為國為民,永不言倦,也永不言悔?除了她對家庭、家族、家國的愛和忠誠,還有甚麼更深的東西,能叫她即使到了生命的最後一天,仍是在自己崗位上,全然獻上?

 

筆者相信,女皇一生邁向的,其實是C. S. Lewis在《榮耀的重量(The Weight of Glory)》裡所描述的榮耀—那並非世上的虛榮,也不是功利的交換,而是作為天父兒女最終在祂懷裡得著稱讚的那種榮耀。Lewis提醒我們,這種榮耀其實是人生命裡一直在追求的東西,甚至人也不知道他的生命深處,其實是在追求這樣的滿足(satisfaction),他可以對此一無所知,甚至心生恨惡,但這種願望與渴求(desire and longing)總不會離開,真到人與上主面對面的那一天,才得滿足。

 

不少皇室成員對人生感到迷惘,榮華富貴也沒有為他們增加多少快樂,而女皇則是其中成功找到出路的人—她看到上主給她的召命和託付,而對此召命她也至死忠心,因為她深深知道,她原是為此而生。

 

如今女皇走完她在世的路程,當跑的路已跑盡了,美好的仗也打過了,願女皇安息,願她安息在上主永恆的榮耀和平安裡!

 

後記:

1953年,Lewis寫下了他的感想:「那巨大而沉重的冠冕,壓在那嬌小又年輕者頭上,這成了人類處境的一種象徵:人被女皇登基上主呼召,作祂的代理、攝政並地上的祭司,但卻深感自己的不足。上主就像在說:『我以不息的愛,以超過你所能理解的方式,把榮耀、危難和責任加諸你身—這如塵土一般的存在。』你知道我的意思嗎?除非我們能感受到下面這個事實,否則我們其實是抓不著癢處,我們所有人其實都受了加冕,而這樣的加冕無疑帶著榮耀,卻是一種悲劇性的榮耀(The pressing of that huge, heavy crown on that small, young head becomes a sort of symbol of the situation of humanity itself: humanity called by God to be his vice-regent and high priest on earth, yet feeling so inadequate. As if he said, “In my inexorable love I shall lay upon the dust that you are glories and dangers and responsibilities beyond your understanding.” Do you see what I mean? One has missed the whole point unless one feels that we have all been crowned and that coronation is somehow, if splendid, a tragic splendour.)」

 

 

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